Campion Theatre Society

“The duel between the sexes! What did the man do? Just what the artillery man does – went one better than the woman- educated himself scientifically and beat her at that game just as he had beaten her at the old game.” – Valentine Act III

“Cheer up sir, cheer up: every man is frightened of marriage when it comes to the point, but it often turns out very comfortable, very enjoyable and very happy indeed, you never can tell sir, you never can tell” – Waiter, Act IV

Campion College Theatre is proud to welcome you to our 2025 Semester 2 production of George Bernard Shaw’s You Never Can Tell.

The scene! Middle class English society in the whirlpool of its 19th century social life. The story! An unconventional family arriving from Madeira to reunite with their estranged father after 18 years. Meet the staunchly conservative middle class representative, Mr Crampton whose arch nemesis is the proudly self-professed Champion of Women’s Rights, Mrs. Clandon.

Witness a budding romance between the hot-headed young dentist, Valentine and the ‘modern’ Woman of the Twentieth Century, Gloria. Meet the impetuous twins, Dolly and Phil, the benevolent barrister, Mr. McComas and the inexorable young lawyer who strikes fear in every heart, Mr Bohun! And don’t forget the indispensable William, epitome of the respectable English Butler who dispenses his life knowledge through the sagacious phrase, “You never can tell, sir; you never can tell!” Seen as Bernard Shaw’s response to Oscar Wilde’s An Ideal Husband, this social satire is brought to life by the students of Campion College!